Sam's

Posted in Random, This is life

Never let an unsatisfactory career life put you off your biggest hobby..This is just to cheer myself up a little after writing the previous post.

This is one of the latest long felted wool cardigan from Burberry. I fell in love with it at the very first sight. (Not that this is the first time I feel this “love at first sight” sensations when it comes to fashion). This wool and cashmere cardigan is just perfect for the weather. Why label a career life unsatisfactory when it can contribute a large sum to owning this cardigan. Unfortunately it costs £395. Hmm..I am tempted..

Visit www.uk.burberry.com

Posted in Burberry, Fashion and beauty

In a blink of an eye, ten working days have passed. It feels like medicine has become such a big part of my life these ten days than it has ever been for the past 5 years. Not a big part as in it holds great meaning, but because it occupies two-thirds of my day in terms of hours. Okay, now I may have given you an impression that I am disliking my job. It is not that, but..

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Nurse 1: You know this patient in Bed 9, do you know if she is going for a OGD (oesophageogastroduodenoscopy)?

Me: Errrr….mmmm…..No, I am afraid I don’t. (I know bed 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 10, why don’t I remember patient in bed 9… :S )

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Nurse 2: Could you help take this request form down to endoscopy?

Me: Errr..may I know where is it?

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Nurse 3: Doctor, could you prescribe prozec for this patient?

Me: Hmm…such familiar drug name..Which drug is it again?

Nurse 3: It is fluoxetine, dear.

Me: Ohh.. :S

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Me: This is an 84 year old patient who came in feeling unwell, with a new confusion and border-line low grade temperature. AMTS (Abbreviated mental test score) was 4/10. On examination, chest was clear, abdomen is slightly tender on palpation.

Consultant: Right. Have you done the bloods?

Me: Yes I have (answered confidently). Bloods showed raised WCC (white cell count) and CRP (C reactive protein). This patient is having an infection somewhere. I have also ordered a chest X-ray for him but it has not come back yet.

Consultant: Right. What did his urine dipstick show?

Me: Err..oops..Sorry I haven’t done it… :S

Consultant (looked surprised): He is likely to be having a UTI. Please do a dipstick to confirm.

Me: Okay, will do (why haven’t I even thought about it. *sigh*)

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Just before, I said I may have given you an impression that I am disliking my job. It is not that, but..

but….

I am just still very lost, very lost.

I just need a little more time to settle in.

I will do fine.

I hope.

Posted in Medicine and career

I was not sure why I was willing to spend 5.5 years of my life pursuing a stressful, challenging and not very interesting degree.  Honestly, medicine did give me some kind of happiness and satisfaction from time to time, e.g. when I was able to make patients feel better physically and even emotionally, when consultants did not mock me or exaggerate my stupidity, and of course when I pass my medical examinations.

It was only on the 20th July 2010 when the thought suddenly struck me. I was right, I did work myself through these 5 years to come to this day, not because it marked the end of my medical course with no more studying, neither did it mean I was going to start working and earning pounds, but for those precious smiles. My 5 years is nothing compared to the 30 years that they have worked for. It shouldn’t have been just a degree of Bachelor of Medicine and Surgery for me, but also a degree of the best daddy and best mommy for them.

Posted in Friends and family, Medicine and career

The flat we lived in for the past two years

The narrow path we used back and fro from the hospital

The view from our kitchen during a beautiful sunset

and from my room after a pouring rain

During those cold months when we hibernate at home

waiting for the snow to melt away and the sky to clear

So we can start stalking others' dogs with the zoom lens; Dog 1

Dogs 2 and 3

Dog 4

And when there was no dog, we didn't mind the sheeps too

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Goodbye Barrow. I never once imagined that I would enjoy staying here, but I did, for whole two years.

I will definitely miss you.

Posted in Random, Travelling and places

Well, I know the title doesn’t make sense. I have officially completed my last rotation in Microbiology but it isn’t exactly THE DAY yet. It is still more than a month away. After being in “school” for almost 23 years of my life, I can hardly imagine how it would feel like to no longer be a student, not being able to watch movies for £4 and enjoy the 10% student discount in Top Shop.

Half of the time during my last rotation was spent counting down the days to go home, packing my belongings into boxes and emptying my current room, and compiling the 3-inches thick portfolio which I will be handing in later today, the moment that will mark the end of my medical school life (I hope).

If I pass my portfolio, a month from now, I will be eating Char Kuey Teow and drinking Milo Ais in Kuala Lumpur.

If I pass my portfolio, two months from now, I will be running across Royal Blackburn Hospital, looking after diabetic patients.

If I pass my portfolio, three months from now, my bank account will show extra two figures from the current two.

Ahhh, how big a difference this portfolio would do to my life. Good luck to everyone and see you guys on the 20th July!

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5 days to go home…

Posted in Medicine and career

Life is short. I am just out here trying to maximise my happiness, is that even wrong? Everyone out there is so indulged in chasing their dreams, competing for victory and power, working extra hard so they could be ten steps in front of everyone else. They spend their whole life chasing a too ambitious dream that they might not even achieve, and in the process, they sacrifice their life, time, happiness, health and the beauty before their eyes.

What I have just described above would be what I would use to describe my old self, almost precisely. I used to always act up to other people’s expectations. I made decisions in my life based on other people’s dreams. In fact, I chose medicine because I was chasing a “dream” that other people were expecting me to.

Gradually, I gave up on trying to act up to others’ expectations. I began to realise that life is too short and there isn’t enough time to listen to others half the time. I do not want to compete, I do not want to be the best anymore. I just want to be a human, doing something I enjoy, for the rest of my life.

I know the past decisions I have made, whether right or wrong, have already been made and there will be no turn back. Of course, medicine will be my career and I will continue to do it, properly, because that was what I have chosen to. I have responsibilities that I need to carry out. Nonetheless, I am glad my past time (if I have any) is still open for options. I will, and am going to do what I enjoy the most, regardless of how others judge or criticise. Like I said, life is short and I desperately need some personal happiness.

Posted in This is life, Thoughts

I don’t do hugs or kisses

I don’t know If I’ve ever been selfless

I don’t say thank you

and even more, I love you

Regardless how much I don’t know how to say out loud

I only wanna make you proud.

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So mom and dad, thank you…

And I love you.

Posted in Friends and family

As summer is drawing closer, and days left to go home are becoming shorter, the level of hardworking-ness obviously is declining at an exponential rate. More time is spent packing, dreaming about Malaysian food etc. Did I mention that there are only 26 days left to go home? Hurrayy!!

I feel that I have lost touch with fashion for a while now. The past few weeks have been spent focusing more on medicine, or rather the completion of medicine as well as preparation to go home. Losing touch with fashion felt like a part of my life has gone dead. LOL. It wasn’t until today when I finally went shopping again that I felt how much I have actually missed out in what seems to be bringing the most happiness to my life. Yes, shopping can make me that happy.

Anyway, temptations are made to be resisted. That was what I told myself when I was holding the oh so supple Azur Galliera bag in the store this afternoon. *sigh*

Posted in One of those lazy days

I used to walk in the rain and called it romantic. I guess some people still do and in fact really think that it is romantic, and I envy them. I can’t stand the feeling of being drenched, my pretty dresses sticking to my body, my beautifully blown hair looking like flat dead grasses on my head, my eye mascara smudged like watercolour. Well maybe I wouldn’t mind that much if I was clad in a DARK-coloured baggy t-shirt on a casual day with no make-up or high stiletto heels, but that wouldn’t have made it romantic, would it?

Well, the definition of “romantic” changes when age catches up. Who has not whispered over the phone with their lovers in the wee hours of the night for hours and thought it was romantic? Who never dreamt of receiving a bouquet of roses on Valentine’s Day or walking along the beach hand-in-hand when the sun is setting over the horizon. I envy those people who found certain things to be romantic, still do after a few years or decades, because I am beyond capability of doing so.

My dictionary of romance needs editing every few months. Just some time ago I thought watching fireworks under the Eiffel Tower could be the most romantic moment ever. Few weeks later I thought I would rather watch them from my room window while surfing the internet at the same time.

I gave up trying to look for what is romantic for me and what it means to me. After all what is most romantic fifty years down the line is if I am still with the same man I am with today.

Posted in This is life

It’s amazing how smiles can make you look prettier than you are, younger than your real age and more vibrant than putting on a layer of whitening cream. We so often invite worries into our lives that most of the days we frown and feel unhappy for reasons we don’t even know are worth it. Even if we put on a smile on our faces, we are merely painting them using our hands and not our hearts.

After “the day”, I figured that when we allow our worries to melt away, we’ll simply look ten years younger, three tones more vibrant!

Happy birthday to my dear housemate. May you forever look as young and vibrant as you always are.

Posted in Friends and family, This is life

Much has changed over the past 7 weeks. Not only have I finished another rotation in the Geriatric ward, the weather has also seemed more promising, shopping addiction has come down a little, and I am 7 weeks closer to going home, which leaves me exactly 8 more weeks.

Attachment to the Geriatric ward has enabled me to perform many clinical tasks which I have not had the chance to do before this. Hours were flexible except that ward rounds still goes on at 9am everyday which means I had to wake up early, which was difficult. However, seeing how patients who came in paralysed on one side slowly gained their recoveries, from being unable to talk to laughing happily with their families, they made me felt really happy deep down. Of course there were times when very old or ill patients slipped away making you wonder if you have ignored or failed to notice important information which could have kept them living, but this is medicine isn’t it. There are ups and downs, for obvious reasons.

I really did spend my time reflecting, didn’t I? No wonder University of Liverpool created a week of reflection after every seven weeks of rotations. Well, that being said, obviously the remaining 8 days and 23 hours and 40 minutes are going to be spent like holidays.

Posted in Medicine and career

It’s only another week before I upload a post entitled “One-fifth to THE DAY”. From the moment I started counting down from four-fifth, I thought it was going to take forever before I come down to one-fifth, but guess what, that very day would be next week.

This significant day is going to mark the end of my medical school life, the field which I decided to venture into back in 2005, half a decade ago that was. Choosing a career was tough back then. For an adolescent who barely even knew how to decide on what she wanted to eat in the next meal, deciding what she wanted to do for the next 30 years was beyond imagination and capability.

If you have read most of the entries in this blog, you would know that Medicine was decided upon after putting the “interest” factor aside, ‘cos interests and reality are two very different things. 5 years ago, I thought this was the right decision. During the 5 years, there were moments I regretted my decision and was certain I should have listened to my heart instead of being too rational.

5 years is a long time. There were moments when I hated what I was doing, moments when I regretted, cried, almost gave up, but there were also moments when I came home smiling, happy when patients approached recovery and at very rare times proud of what I was doing. These 5 years were filled with too much uncertainties. When others were stressed up about exams and assignments, I was there worrying if I was doing the right thing in my life.

So 5 years later, I still can’t see myself doing the same thing for the next 30 years. But I can say that 5 years ago I had made the right decision, ‘cos today at this very moment, I feel happy, and that’s what that matters.

Posted in Medicine and career, This is life

I miss the sun and how I can wear the least clothes and still sweat,

I miss the pouring rain and how the roaring thunder sweetens my dream,

I miss being stuck in traffic and chatting the hours away with my loved ones,

I miss being screamed at for not making my bed in the morning,

I miss the shopping, the food, my friends,

and mostly the home I am going back to.

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74 more days and counting down.

Posted in Friends and family, This is life

My daily routine:

7:00 am : Squeak as loud as I can so I can get “the-only-person-who-pampers-me” to feed me cucumber.

8:00 am – 10:00 am : Hide in my house so I can avoid the glaring sunshine on my face.

10:00 am : Squeak again hoping that someone at home pities me and give me more cucumber, but usually this does not happen, unless “the-only-person-who-pampers-me” is home.

10:00 am – 12:00 pm : Walk around my 3′ x 1.5′ house which barely gives me any exercise, but who cares it is not like I like exercising anyway.

12:00 pm : Munch on my lunch, usually another chunk of cucumber or several Romaine lettuce leaves which I love.

1:00 pm – 3:00 pm : Nap time, hurray! This is usually the only stretch of time I get to rest properly ‘cos no one’s home. Ahh, my dim and cozy corner.

3:00 pm : Stomach starts to growl again after a nap. There I go looking into my bowl hoping there would be some snacks left behind. If there is, I munch away happily. If there isn’t, I topple the bowl over. That’s a trick I have learnt overtime so those gullible humans around me would fill them up with food, and MORE food.

4:00 pm – 6:00 pm – I laze around again waiting for dinner time to come so I can savour some fresh vegetables. My stomach is really growling I can hear it!

6:00 pm : By this time, “the-only-person-who-pampers-me” would have been home and she would carry and cuddle me in her arms. Ahhh I love cuddles o’ so much! She brings me into her room and back to my home I don’t even have to walk. How convenient.

7:00 pm – 8:00 pm : Dinner time, means more cucumbers! *yom yom yom*

8:00 pm – 11:00 pm : I always like to take a rest after meals but “the-only-person-who-pampers-me” never understands. She often watches movies and laughs so loud she never thought I would be offended. But oh well, she being “the-only-person-who-pampers-me”, hmm..I shouldn’t complain.

11:00 pm – Finally when lights are switched off, I crawl happily into my cozy little corner and doze off into sweet dreams. If I’m lucky it goes on till 7 am, if not at the wee hours of the morning, the squeaking goes again.

Ahh, my life is just so fulfilling.

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I keep overhearing the other humans in the house calling me obese, and it makes me confused. ‘Cos “the-only-person-who-pampers-me” always says I am not, so I really don’t know if I am. Ah, who cares.

Posted in Health and body image, Pets

Alright I was being overly exaggerative.

Honestly, saving money is one of my biggest weakness. And given that shopping is one of my largest addiction, it makes saving money even more difficult to achieve. That being said, I have never given up on this mission, to save money.

When I have money, I tend to spend them; I eat more, travel more, wear more, “carry” more, take more cabs etc. So to save money, why can’t I just don’t spend them and keep them? No I just can’t, I just can’t help it. And yes, this is a big problem.

So for the “God-knows-how-many-hundred-thousands-attempts”, I am making rational plans for myself to save money.

1. Transfer 90% of my money to someone who can be trusted. I know this sounds dodgy but it works.

2. Block all shopping sites on the computer so I can have no access to them. I know I can still do shopping on the iPhone when I’m desperate but it would be so much less easy as it makes payment and etc more difficult, so yes it works too.

3. Think of my parents and imagine how hard they work before I decide to swipe my credit card. Hopefully guilt will set in.

4. Occupy my free time by doing something else that is more productive so to distract myself from shopping, whether physically in stores or over the internet. Usually works for a while but after a few days, withdrawal symptoms will start to creep in and I will burn a big hole again. *sigh*

5. Whenever I see something nice, I will give myself every reason under the sun that I can find to convince myself that it is NOT nice so regrets will not linger when I get home later. Reasons have to be solid enough or else they won’t work and I will have to shamefully just admit that I should have just bought the whatever it is. That would be the worst feeling ever. I would then have to find even more reasons to convince myself why I should not regret for not buying. Complex it is.

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This is definitely difficult to achieve but I should set some rational and reasonable plans going before I officially start working in a couple of months time. It has been my new year resolution practically every year but hopefully 2010 would be the last year this is seen on my resolution list. When things get too old, they should leave eventually.

Posted in Economics and finances

Deftly sculpted fabric knots elevate a demure shoulder bag in an oversized check print, while a single rolled handle strap tops the chic style. This is one of the latest shoulder bag from Burberry Prorsum line that gave me a jaw drop. I fell in love with it at the very very first sight. Unfortunately it is currently only for sale in the U.S. *sob*

Posted in Burberry, Fashion and beauty

Didn’t know that anyone (or rather any creature) would be interested to place their head or face on what they describe as the “rather-smelly-pillow” of mine. Where do you expect me to sit when you are occupying practically my whole chair? Anyway, hope you sleep tight!

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Posted in Pets

Whenever we get anxious, nervous, stressed or overwhelmed with emotions, our body tend to undergo fight-or flight response where our heart rate accelerates, we hyperventilate, our pupils dilate, our digestion slows down and etc.

Obviously when we are calm and happy, nothing of the above happens. For instance when we get love and lots of love,

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we pause in that moment of happiness, enjoying it to the fullest hoping it would never end.

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But happiness does not last forever.

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Occasionally, we need some fight-or-flight response in our body to boost our immune system.

Forgive us for the stress we brought to you. It was only short-lived. We still love you.

Posted in Pets

In half a blink of an eye, seven weeks have passed again and I am another one fifth closer to graduation and going home. GP (General Practice) rotation was fun and enjoyable I would say, and I genuinely enjoy it deep down.

The rotation was generally relaxing given the fact that I only work three days a week, with each day either full or half day (who wouldn’t say this is ideal). That was not the only reason I enjoyed this rotation. Frankly speaking before this, never have I imagined that I would be able to lead a consultation with a patient all by myself. The thought of it scared me immensely. What if the patient comes in with some really weird symptoms and I have no idea what’s wrong with him or her? What if the patient asks me questions I do not know how to answer? What if I have no idea how to manage the patient even if I know what’s the problem? So many what-ifs.

After seven weeks, all those fear were converted into this unbelievable motivation I could not imagine would exist in myself. Because I deal with mostly elderly patients and I get to build rapport and spend time with them, I realised I wanted my future to involve them, and that could mean I would want to become a GP.

Voilà! 7 weeks could change a “dreamless” person to this person with an ambitious goal to achieve. Whether or not it is achievable in the future is another story.

Posted in Medicine and career